Life's a bitch, and so am I.

Doug took one of the other rooms in my apartment, and we might get a couple more roommates soon-ish. It's been fun so far. I'm getting a new, kick-ass PC this week. My car has 3 tires and waiting for the bus in winter sucks. I have a job making pizzas for minimum wage, keeps food in my belly. Vicci isn't coming back to Hillsdale this semester. I hate being here, but I don't think I'd like being anywhere else any better at this point. Hopefully I'll see my love over Spring Break. That's really all that's keeping me going right now.

There are some days, some brief moments in life that are crucial and life-altering. Maybe we never know what events trigger these effects; maybe the underlying reasons are beyond our perception. We tend to trace things back to a conversation, or an accident, or a holiday, or a kiss. Then there are days, weeks, months where nothing at all seems to happen. I'm in the middle of this right now; a bunch of stuff happened awhile ago, and now I'm just waiting for something to happen again. It seems like it's been a long time. Today on the bus, I started thinking about a lot of things, everyday thoughts that come to mind all the time. But they tasted different today. Not necessarily in a good way, but it does give me hope that maybe I'm headed toward a moment where something will happen. That would be great, because lately I've felt that nothing matters and life is an unbearably long string of useless cause-effect motions. I feel I'm spending lots of time doing things I don't like, to buy some time doing things I don't mind, between short periods of sleeping and doing nothing.

I try to blame my mood on Michigan's climate.

In a few minutes I'll go upstairs and listen to a 2.5-hr lecture on astronomical constellations and star-charts and moon cycles. This class is even more boring than I'd expected. I haven't been able to stay awake for more than 10 consecutive minutes so far--I keep trying to imagine some scenario in which I might find any of this information useful or necessary, but I can't. I just don't care about it. Not even a little bit. And it's not interesting. And I'm a whiny complaining bitch.

I want out!