Life has been better. I am working two jobs, which should be enough to pay my bills for now. Maybe, if I am really frugal and don't eat too much or drink any alcohol, I can even save up enough money to take a class again next semester.
Of course, it probably doesn't matter that much, since I've neglected to turn in any assignments for the past month. No matter what I do, my life seems to persistently implode. Some days I'm content and almost happy, sitting still in my life at the place where I find myself. Most of the time (like today) I find myself alone and utterly useless, and thus unsatisfied and unhappy. There needs to be more to my life than THIS. Help me, God. My girlfriend loves me more than anyone on this planet has ever loved me, but I think even she is losing all confidence in my potential to become a useful human being. The jobs I have are trivial. Inconsequential. It seems I need to make a difference in the world.
How?
Fourwall Jackson
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- Prof. Brian M. Oberholtzer, PmA. If you don't know me already, you should probably get started now.
2 comments:
I've felt like that a lot. My jobs aren't all that earth shattering either. To make myself feel worthwhile I just write, and try to be a good friend to people.
If it makes you feel any better, I love you too, and even if you lay around comatose every day you'd still be my favorite cousin. /end sloppy sentimental comment.
I've only had the chance to spend time with you and Sarah, together, a few times. You both make my heart happy and my spirit at ease, and you both have use and meaning as human beings. Even if you did figure out today what exact purpose you have in life, there would be days where you'd forget what it was, and days that you'd feel like you had none. You do have a purpose, and as inconsequential as this may be, you both mean a lot to me.
Don't give up on the class this semester, Brian. You can figure out what to do with the time you have left in the course, and maybe if you think it's worth while, you can take something next semester, or not, I know you'll figure something out. And as for your jobs, maybe they're trivial, but you're not necessarily going to find/get to what you're looking for immediately. It may take a few or a LOT of crappy jobs to get there, and I'm sorry they don't make you very happy. But I know you can find something REALLY worth while, it might just take a lot of patience and planning and timing... I wish I could say something meaningful, spiritually. But you and I both know that I'm pretty useless in that department. Help me? I love you.
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